Today as I worked with some clients, I clearly saw anew how powerful clear boundaries are in living a life of freedom, joy, energy and creativity! I define ‘clear boundaries’ as knowing what IS my responsibility, and what is NOT in my life. It is being accountable for my choices, thoughts, feelings, and actions. A clear boundary is just that–a line which separates one thing from another. My boundaries are the very edge of what is me, just before I get to what is you :>)
For example, Utah is Utah until I cross the border or boundary into another state, such as Idaho or Nevada. Once I cross that state line, I am in a new state. Once I leave being accountable for my space, my life, my choices and move into taking care of another person’s accountability, choices, life, and problem solving, then I am in another state of being. It is usually the ’state of denial’!
The problem with this moving into being accountable for another’s stuff, is that NO ONE IS LEFT AT HOME WITH ME TO TAKE CARE OF MY OWN RESPONSIBILITIES!
Author and mentor Byron Katie says that there are three kinds of business: my business, your business, and God’s business. I love that clarity! It is so simple when I see life from that perspective.
Most of us send our energy out to any one that comes our way, trying to solve problems, or control an outcome, or create change, all outside ourselves. Again, as Byron Katie says, that would be ‘insanity’. Perhaps we can relate to how we attempt to have our childrens’ or spouses’ lives look a certain way. When, in reality, they are gonna do what they are gonna do!
Helplessness is one of the unspoken messages we send to those for whom we attempt to carry burdens, or manage problems, or try to heal. In this we actually create the opposite of what we desire. We create an environment for helplessness, and low self-esteem–the “I can’t do anything” attitude. We actually create ‘crippled’ human beings by sponging up others’ emotions or problems. And the person we cripple the most is ourselves out of mere neglect.
My mantra today is ‘Hurrah” for the boundary between you and me. “Hurrah” for the power I have when I stay at home with my best friend–ME!